Desperation

((OOC: I know Jared is looking for Jaric in the courtyard, but Amarra doesn't know that. I thought about waiting, but decided to post anyway, and where Jaric is depends on who he sees first, I guess.))

~She stands before the King's office door, trying to steel her nerves. Part of her screams for her to turn around and run, but she shoves it aside and takes a deep breath before knocking on the door, hoping to find him inside~

*Angel glances upwards from Jaric's desk. She had been sitting there comfortably reading an Auroran Law book and some parchments in conjunction with land and contract law. It had certainly been a boring read, but some villagers had come to her with some questions and she had wanted to be prepared enough to answer them.

Sweeping blonde silken strands away from those deep blue eyes, she tilts her head curiously towards the door, gesturing to the guard to open it.*

"Yes, come in."

~sees the door open and hears Angel's voice. Stepping inside the office, she looks around quickly, sighing softly when she doesn't see the king. Still, she drops a deep curtsy before speaking~

My queen. I was hoping to find King Jaric. Jared asked me to accept the marriage. He wanted to help me. I thought that if you and he both suggested it, it... might be a good idea after all. I know I don't understand everything. I think I could live on the surface for a hundred years and still not always understand. I wanted to tell Jared I'd accept, but he went off somewhere while I was thinking, so I came to find the king. I thought maybe I could talk to him about it, apologize for the trouble I've caused. If he'd see me.

*She watches the door as Amarra enters, and opens her mouth to say something yet Amarra begins speaking and so she patiently listens in surprise at her words.*

"Oh, I see. No, Jaric always trains with his men during the day and does his office work in the evening."

*She paused for a moment and then exhaled. There was something on her mind.*

"Amarra, do you love Jared? I know its a blunt question but you'd best be sure you do before you agree to stay married to him...if you're choosing that you're married after all. Marriage is such a serious commitment and should be considered carefully."

~doesn't answer right away. Instead, she considers the question~

I... think I do. I did before. He makes me so angry sometimes I feel like I could scream. But then all he has to do is smile at me and I wonder why I was angry in the first place. Until he does it again. And I think... no one else in my life has ever been able to make me as angry as he does, or as happy. It's just all turned around.

~raises her hand to her eyes and shakes her head~

Yes, I love him. I can't imagine he could possibly make me so crazy if I didn't. This just isn't how I wanted things to be. I've always imagined a wedding. It didn't have to be fancy, but... something to make it feel real, more than just words on a paper. Being given a choice, right there, with him and before the gods, not just being told and manipulated like a game piece. I know we'd talked about it, and he asked me and I said yes, but this isn't how it was supposed to be.

~looks back up at Angel, embarassed~

I'm sorry. Yes, I do love him. I think we have some talking to do, but I would still marry him.

*Angel swiftly rises from the desk, leaving everything there as she moves around it and across to the door.*

"Lets go to the Courtyard and catch up with Jaric..."

*She didn't feel the need to debate anything that Amarra had said, but she did want this whole affair over and done with, she felt it was unsettling. Continuing down the corridor she wouldn't say anything further until they reached the courtyard.*

~smiles faintly and follows the queen in silence, figiting nervously as they walk~