Lady Unmasked

I am finally on my way back to Aegis. The last two years have been a trial but they have sharpened my own perceptions and what I really want in this life. I experienced many things that have distrubed my soul and gave me pause to think. I leave few friends behind and our relationships are surreptious.

There are several kinds of darkness in this world but I believe they fall under three catagories. Evil: That which simply does what it wants because it wants to. It cares not for means or for furthering of any purpose. It simply is and takes what it wants or leaves on a whim. It justifies by power what it does. It has the power and folly to any that dare cross its path on the wrong day. It us mindless, senseless and destructive. It feeds and sucks the life out of all but forgetting that in doing so it will one day cease as well for that which it feeds on will be gone.

Then there is Chaotic Evil. Chaotic evil is simular . It goes as it will based on circumstance or how it is that day. Those that follow this path sometimes have rhyme and reason but it is usually in their own mind. It can be akin to a child, petulant when it doesnt get its way but with some sort of feeling of consquences. It is unpredictiable however in what actions it will take.

Lawful Evil, is evil refined. It is calculating and their are precepts and rules in place. It still commits what is evil but not on a whim. It seems to better itself and takes careful steps in doing so but stays within a set of guidelines. At times these guidelines are of individual choices. Lines in which one does not cross. In other instances it is within a set of formal rules of engagement set by a faction.

In the temple in which I served we were the latter. I followed that which was expected but after I left Aegis to the temple to continue some training I realized I was no longer able to fulfill that which was required of me. I had known the rules of the temple were to forsake all those that one would call family. It was easy to do till I met Rensain, and with him had Marcus.

I tried to forget and the Priestess who found out I had a son and a lover reminded me I could not give myself wholly to Erythnuls cause for my heart was somewhere else. Perfect love casts out darkness. I struggled and was warned again and again to forget them. How can one forget a child begat of passion and love? How can one forget a love so encompassing that there are no words in the mortal tongue to describe it?

I admit I was not strong enough to do so. I was asked to leave. I am no longer a Priestess of Eyrthnul. It is a high price to pay indeed but a higher price would have been to lose the love that I hold within my heart.

I will tell Rensain when I see him. I pray that he thinks not ill of me. Fools often lose all for love.....so perhaps I am a fool but I have no regrets. I dont know what awaits for me. Rensain sent a letter saying Marcus was missing and my heart waits in anxiousness for more news. The ships journey will take a few days and then I will be back in Aegis hopefully to see my son again and to see the one who not even a God could persuade me to disown.

I spent many a hour on the ship on the deck contemplating. The ocean is a mesmorizing force. Ancient , powerful and seemingly unending. I must confess I feel very small within its massiveness. I am having to re examine my place in the universe and what I wish to accomplish. I have no idea how I will be recieved in Aegis. Rensains letter seemed warm enough but it has been two years.

When I think of him I put a guard up for I fear that if I let my feelings have reign then I shall risk losing them. Rensain and Marcus were my life in Aegis and I served in the temple since I was a young girl. I know nothing else. I am not a part of the temple and I am unsure of my place within Rensains heart. I try not to dwell on it my life is nothing that it was.

I must find a trade. I know herbs well and their uses so I could be of much help in a Apothocary. Other then that I dont see much call for a ex priestess. My life has changed since I last left the shores of Aegis. That much I can process but where I go from here is as unknown as the oceans floor. It is murky for now and I must be content for I could be driven to madness in supposing.


This journal entry and the previous are pre return to Aegis))

My beloved sleeps and I have spent the past hour just watching him. I have been given the gift of this man and his love and I will not squander it. Two years and the passion has not waned only grown. I wonder if others know this passion within there relationships. I pray my own son will find this. He is already betrothed and it is a adventageous match but will there be love? It doesnt matter but for his sake I pray there is.

I shall be searching for propertys in Merrida. I have some very specific needs for the Apothocary I wish to open. It will take time for I need space for drying and storing and preparing. I also want to have some garden space to grow much of my own herbs. Some I will have to procure elsewhere but that is alright. The soil of Aegis is good but some herbs need more catering climates. I have been making a list of supplies and of seeds or plantings I will need. All my lists will be useless however without the land attached to a few buildings. It might be hard to find in the city but it will give me something to do.


Marcus is in my thoughts as well. He will be returned, I doubt not my lovers assurances...I cannot for they are what keeps me sane in this situation. He is his fathers son and so he will have a will of iron and strength to get him out of impossible situations. In this I also rest my hopes.

Rensain stirs and so I will go back to bed for now. Their is santuary in his arms and so I shall return to them. Oh sweet passions embrace....

I have begun my first venture into starting the apothcary. I spoke to a land broker and am waiting for him to present some properties that will meet my needs. I want some land to grow some of my own plants and I need a few buildings, for storage, drying and mixing as well as a place to entertain. Nothing fancy for entertainment, only a room where business guests can be seen and that Rensain and I can relax and have time alone while in the city if we wish.

I met a lady named Meghan while in the marketplace. She will be a asset to me I believe though I havent been able to discern much of her and so still am very cautious. She knows and has worked with many of the merchants. I noticed her because as I was buying some cloth for some new dresses she mentioned there was a vendor with prices that might suit more. I had a small lunch with her at the Inn and found her pleasent. She didnt flinch when she heard of my fiancee, which means she hasnt heard much or that she wasnt shocked. I am still determining that one.

Speaking of being engaged, Rensain and I are making plans to be married legally. We both know it changes nothing between us except for the legalities. A odd thing though happened while Rensain made the marriage certificate request. Vladimir said he wished to see me. I am perplexed for I havent seen him in years and I cant imagine he wants to congratulate me. He didnt seem to care for me when we did have brief encounters though I dont think he likes anyone really. Rensain and I will go nevertheless as it has been commanded.

I did buy some material for a dress that I plan to wear on our wedding day though it shall not be a grand affair I wanted to look pretty for Rensain. I also bought some other materials and expect the seamstress later today to take measurements and to discuss my wardrobe. I prefer simple elegance however and so I we shall see how easily this will be accomplished.

It would seem that gardens do not grow well here in the Thunderlands and so I am going to ask for a Solarium to be built. Rensain knows my love for garden retreats. I do not need something lavish. As in my clothing I prefer some simple elegance, ostentaciousness are for those that have something to prove. I am fully confident and need not the outward trappings. What more could a woman wish for then a man like Rensain who loves her with a passion that words cannot express....I say nothing.

Lady Caladore, legally and in every way. It has been a long time coming though I must say that it changes nothing. It changes only the way the law of Aegis will see us. It will also give Marcus and our subsquent children the legitimacy that perhaps some would deny them if they knew that their parents were not legally wed.

I know that Rensain would like to have a ceremony but I am thinking that perhaps a dinner celebrating our nuptials might be a bit better. Things are changing in Aegis, it is like everyone is holding their breath and I cannot discern what is on the horizen. We have just clues here and there that make no sense.

Rensain believes that Vladimir is up to something. The man has always been a mystery to me but Rensain has worked with him for years and would be better to make that assesement. After Vlad signed our marriage document, Rensain had me wait in the carriage. He hasnt spoken of what was said in the office.

We had some guests as well that was unexpected, not only was thier arrival intersting but their departure even more so. I still must talk to Lady Amarra for the Prince instructed him to take her to Merridia. I know that they were on their way there but the departure of the Prince and Ralean was without explaination and I fear that some fallout for the Lady Amarra will ensue.

Then of course is the fact that Marcus and Vladimirs children are missing and appear to be kidnapped. By who or what still has not been determined. My heart is on hold for I must remain strong even though every day I feel the stress of keeping my worry under wraps. I am a strong woman but in my private time I worry. I try to keep this from Rensain because he has his own burdens. We are so close though I am sure he knows and is just letting me believe I shield him.

All these things in and of themselves say nothing but life in Aegis can rapidly change in the blink of a eye. Rensain is wary and because he is so am I .Too many oddites have happened for me not to look anxiously into what the future may hold.

Rensain took Amarra to see Vladimir today. She had reason to be frighigtened. Before she left she gave me a few pages to read and made me promise not to read them till she left. I was immensely curious but I did not read a word till the portal closed and Rensain and Amarra were gone.

It would seem that she fled a situation she could not take anymore. She called herself a traitor. I remember such feelings when I left the temple. My life there was good and there was no doubt that someday I would be the High Priestess of the conclave and yet I could not stay any longer for my thoughts and my heart would not let me.

I know what it is to struggle against your heart and it is a losing battle. The specifics of Amarras situation were not very clear except she felt like walking on eggshells. I know the lands of Aegis can be trecherous and Rensain has navigated beautifully but it takes its toll. To be constantly on guard wears at the spirit and no one can keep it up indefinitely. The weight on my husband sometimes is crushing yet he does not show it to the world.

Since Marcus has been gone there have been times in the night where he will wake me with his tossing. In those times when he sleeps so fitfully I will sing to him. He doesnt know it , it is a song of meditation used to clear the mind. It is used in the temple to calm. He is not concious but it soothes him. I stroke his hair and sing softly to his heart and mind, his body will relax . My soul calls to his and I can touch his pain though I cannot take it away as I would wish with all my heart. I hold him and for a while he can find peace. albeit in his sleep. It is all I can give him , for when he wakes the stark realities he must face are again upon him but he at least has had sleep.

I did not have time to help Amarra much. I am not a seer and cannot see her outcome either but perhaps the knowledge that she has a friend somewhere, will ease her mind and help her face what she must. Perhaps had I the time I could have taught her to clear her mind as well, let us hope that the fallout will not be as serious and I still will be able to .....

I have been very busy as of late. I sometimes feel as if I am running and not quite getting anywhere. I have contractors at the shop who are repairing and customizing buildings and walkways to my specific instructions. They have been inhibted by weather a few times but they are making good progress and so I have no complaints.

I have been awaiting the fate of Lady Amarra and havent heard anything. I am sure Rensain would let me know if there were any signifigant advances. In my business I havent been able to pay much attention to the political goings on of Aegis. Rensain is exhasted when he comes home and our moments have been rare as of late for intimate time. We take them when we find them and pour longings and passions into those precious few times together.

I believe one of those times have produced a child. I am not sure however, and havent seen a midwife. I have been so busy that it took me some time to realize I havent had my cycle. I will wait till I miss another for I dont want to make a mistake. Stress could have interupted the cycle and if Rensain believed I was pregnant he would wish me to slow down, since I am still not sure I will wait till I am fully sure.

Marcus is still missing as well as the other children. We havent had any word and each day that passes weighs heavier upon my heart. I have kept busy without reguard for the moment I stop filling my head with lists and projects I have far too much time to think.

Rensain now knows that he is to be a father again. It did my heart good to see him happy. We spent the evening together in our celebration which was much needed. Most nights he comes home barely touches food , and falls into bed exhasted ready to start before the crack of dawn again. I have been worried and have given him herbs in tea form to drink during the day. I just hope he remembers them.

We had a visitor Duke Leto who has been keeping low for the general masses. I am not exactly sure why but there seems to be some trouble for him. He spoke of war for he thought we were to be at war. In Aegis one must be constant against such things but we have not had such in many years. War would complicate things for Rensain and I. He would be worried for the child and myself and the citizens of Aegis. He is already working many hours. I fear I wouldnt see him at all especially if he chose to go upon the battle feild. The thought of such brings slight fear to me. I could not think of what I would become should anything happen to him. I do believe my soul would die and I would be but a shell.

Rensain was worried about the question and I know he planned to look into it further even though he didnt say anything. He is ever viligent. I am readying my apartments over the apothocary so that I could be within the capitol city should anything happen. Rensain believes if war is to come that one path would be straight through the Thunderlands which puts our home in jeapordy. I must be ready to take our most precious possesions to store within my buildings at Merridia and make sure that all our servents are out of the path of such .

I fear the shadow that grows though I know not where it comes from. Aegis is on the precipace of something....I wish I knew what.